The Self Sabotage Cycle

I pride myself on being very dedicated, driven and goal oriented, but even as someone who loves nutrition and fitness, I too have found myself in the self-sabotage cycle. The more I study nutrition and the body the more I realize how mental, emotional, and physical health are all tied together. If one area is struggling, it truly effects all the others.

Self-Sabotage is when people undermined their goals and intentionally or unintentionally hinder their success. This destructive behavior strips people from their motivation. The most common ways people self-sabotage is through perfectionism, procrastination, and self-medication. What I see most from my clients are through self-medication and perfectionism.

A few weeks after I competed in my fitness competition, I made plans to go out and have drinks with some friends. My goal after competing was to improve my physique so that I could do another show, with the goal to win my pro card. Clearly, going out drinking didn’t line up with my goals. At the beginning of the week this sounded like a great idea, but by the time Friday rolled around I was having second thoughts.

Let me give you some background as to what pushed me into my own self sabotaging behavior. A few months prior, I broke up with my boyfriend of five years. I made it a point to prioritize my mental and emotional health by going to therapy. If anyone has ever gone to therapy, you know most times you feel worse, before you feel better. On this Friday I had a rough session and had to go straight to work after. This led me to stuffing my feelings and not letting out my usual cry session that tends to follow therapy.

What I needed most was to journal, process my feelings, and be with close friends. What I did was the complete opposite. I told myself, that I already felt bad so drinking and dealing with a hangover couldn’t be much worse. What I didn’t realize was how quickly one bad choice could lead to another. It started out with a few drinks, that lead to shots, by the end of the night I ate greasy food and puked several times. Sounds like fun, right?

When I woke up the next more, I felt awful. Between dehydration, a severe headache and nausea, I immensely regretted my choices. I planned on going to the gym, working on my website, and writing a new article. None of which seemed possible. My morning started off with making pancakes, eating pizza, and watching a movie. One night of drinking caused me to; miss my work out, eat several foods that didn’t meet my goals, and killed my motivation.

How could one small thing, cause me to make so many choices that didn’t align with my goals? My all or nothing mindset aka “perfectionism” was the biggest contributor. I started thinking about my clients, my heart was filled with empathy and compassion. I had a choice to make, I could get angry at myself, or I could show myself compassion and act.

After a long nap, I made the choice to speak to myself kindly and get right back on my healthy routine. Instead of waiting to make healthier choices the next day I started immediately. I drank my water, made a healthy meal, and pushed myself to accomplish one goal. The key to breaking self -sabotage is not through self-criticism. The key is through self-compassion and taking action.

More times than not we have an all or nothing approach. If the gym is skipped or cookies are eaten, then we tell ourselves we blew it. Which starts the self-sabotage cycle. This usually includes negative self-talk, frustration and feeling like a failure. One of the best ways to break this is to talk to yourself like you would a close friend. If they ate a cookie, or missed the gym would you tell them they failed? Probably not, and if you did the friendship wouldn’t be there for long.

Self-criticism rarely encourages the wanted behavior and if it does, it isn’t for long. Self-compassion on the other hand, does. It doesn’t demand perfection, yet it also doesn’t mean you get a free pass. Humans are incredibly flawed, and we make mistakes. When we forgive ourselves and learn from it, we continue to grow.

Taking action is another effective way to combat the self-sabotage cycle. When you make a decision that doesn’t align with your goals, make a choice to take an action step that does. Don’t wait until the next day, do it immediately. Action leads to motivation. Even a 5-minute action step can lead to massive results.

The next time you sabotage your goals, show yourself some compassion. Talk to yourself like you would a close friend. Encourage yourself and look at what you learned from the situation. Then make a choice to take an action step that aligns with your values and goals. The sooner you take action the sooner the vicious self-sabotage cycle will end.